Another year, another post.

It's been another year, which means that it's time to post again, right? I'm 6 now, and settling well into middle age, including the continual battle with the bulge. I remember a time when all those fine male dogs sniffing my ass were so intriguing. Now, all I want to do is steal their treats. And then sleep.

All is well in the To household. The boys are growing up so fast (only in age, not in stature, as they remain Lilipution-sized). Wyatt is 5, Landon is nearly 4, and Crosby-bear is bringing up the rear at 18 months. They are cute. But like I always say. God made them that way so that Dina wouldn't kill them.
Hope all is well with you and yours. Looking forward to posting again in 2012.

Funny

Why Wyatt is awesome. Read here (at the bottom).

Wyatt, grooving at Off the Grid. He gets down gangsta style, for real.

Who's Cuter?

Me...
versus The C-Bear.On second thought, maybe you shouldn't answer that.

The Gross Kid

Remember when you were in school and there was always that gross kid. He had food in his teeth all the time. He'd go at his nose like he was trying to excavate for diamonds. His shirts always had chocolate streaks on it. And for some reason, he'd always call the teacher "Mom" on accident.

Well, turns out, that we have a gross kid. I guess the odds were that we'd have one, given that Joe and Dina only produce boys. But still, it's not fun when you realize that you really do, in fact, have one in the family.

Case in point:

Here's a picture of Wyatt, pointing at something near his bed. What the heck is that thing???

Let's get a close up. Oh wait a minute now...is that what I think it is??? Oh, no! It is, it is!!!

It's a booger!! A really big one! What, why, how, when, you ask?! Well, let's ask our main suspect.

I like how he left it near Wyatt's bed. Classic.

Circumstantial evidence, he retorts. But you'll notice his unwillingness to be captured on camera with the evidence.

City Dog, Snow Dog...Just Dog

Turns out you can take the city dog out of the city and well, she adapts (and yes, I did just talk about myself in the third person). Last week, we were on Spring Break and the whole family (including me, that's obvious, right?) packed the minivan and hauled our butts up to Tahoe. There was torrential downpour the previous week in San Francisco, which meant good snow in Tahoe. Check this out, no joke -- that's a lot of snow behind me, huh?

Dina and Joe thought that I'd get freaked out by the snow. After all, this was my first time in it. But turns out, I really am adaptable. There's a reason why beagles are still around and dinosaurs aren't. It's called "going with the flow, Darwinian style." Here's an action shot of me, although I'm so darn quick, I'm surprised they caught me on camera.

When we got to the house, there was so much snow that Joe had to go New Jersey on us, i.e., shovel 5 feet of snow so we could make it up the walkway and into the house. Joe hasn't shoveled snow like that since high school in Jersey, and his bitching and moaning about his right shoulder the rest of the week proved it.

Not surprisingly, the boys were adaptable, too. Wyatt did ski school for 3 days, working on his pizza (he's got french fries down cold, but that's not really a good thing when you don't have pizza down).

Landon made like he was a native. Imagine this picture in 18 years, except trade the chocolate milk for a big fat beer. Dina's worried and hopes that it really will be 18 years...

Crosby, well, the poor C-bear didn't really make it out that much. But he was still happy. As always. Perpetually happy, the poor sonofabitch.

Dina and Joe? Joe made it one day for an afternoon of slushy skiing. Dina stayed home with Landon and C-bear while they napped, and to her dismay, cleaned up an inordinate amount of poop, including mine (turns out that while playing in the snow is fun, crapping in the snow is not).

Taking the shuttle home after a rough day skiing and tubing. What a life.

Lando is 3!

Sure, he still craps in his pants. But we call Landon a big boy anyway. He certainly has the attitude of a three (times 10) year old. Although he's easily mistaken for an 18 month old, due to his small stature, he is all attitude and feistiness.

He likes to occasionally throw things at me, grab my tail, and lick me (yes, he licks me, isn't that ironic). He also has the mouth of an old sailor, except he says words with more syllables. Oh, and he's totally into dinosaurs.

Ergo, this cake:

Which Landon thoroughly enjoyed:

Wyatt also enjoyed it, just a lil' bit.

And, of course, the family photo. I can't help but notice that someone is missing. And to that, I say "I hate you all."

Bedtime Schmedtime

We have a problem. It's called Wyatt and Landon at bedtime. Apparently, they think that bedtime can occur outside the bed. Uh, FYI boys, it's called "bed"time for a reason. Sigh, it's like I'm reasoning with toddlers or something.

Many a nights, I'm walking up the stairs, only to find this:

Do you see me there on the bottom right? What you can't see is the disgust on my face.

When will these kids learn?

Frankly, I'm sick of having to tiptoe around their heads. If they don't get with the program soon, I'm going to stampede them.

Hello to 2011!

It's hard to believe, but I'm still part of the family photos

It's a new year and one of my resolutions is to write again. As you can see, I'm shitty about keeping to my resolutions. But I do want to try to be better and if I still have friends out there (both of the barking and non-barking varieties), then I will get off my furry butt and keep telling you my 'tails.'

The quick update for me? I am still a svelte 24 pounds. I think most of my loyal readers know that weight has been a struggle for me, but I'm doing it. On dry kibble, but I'm doing it. Dina often remarks how incredible she finds it that I lost 10 pounds (like a third of my body weight, really) and yet she can't (and folks, believe me, that ain't a third of her body weight!). But she forgets, I'm awesome. AWESOME.

The boys are, well, boys. Wyatt is 4 1/2 now, Landon is almost 3, and Crosby is 7 months. They are aging me faster than Joan Rivers face is falling apart. At this point, we tolerate each other. I don't know if I love them, and I don't know if they love me. You know, your normal relationship.

F'n geeks, I'm telling you. Wyatt almost peed in his pants when he found out about the IPad 2 yesterday.

I have to run off now, my awesome dogwalker Metrotails awaits. I do have one ask. If my peeps are still out there, can you drop me a comment, so that I know whether I should revisit this blog or just give my paws a rest? Woof woof for now!

Who's Your Daddy???

So Dina took the boys out for a treat to the local bakery the other day. After buying some cookies for them, she sat down in front of the bakery where one of the workers and another shopowner were taking a break. They also both happened to be Asian.

The day was warm, balmy, and sort of humid, and Dina mused out loud "This weather is weird!" The shopowner responded saying "It's like East Coast weather," which led to a short conversation about New Jersey, where the shopowner was born and raised (Summit) and where, of course, Dina said Joe was born and raised.

The shopowner then responded "So your husband is full Caucasian?" Puzzled, Dina said no, and then asked why the shopowner though that. "Well, your kids..." Dina, knowing Landon's hair is about 20 shades lighter than the average Asian mop of hair, said "Oh I know, his hair is so light." But the shopowner said "No! Both of them, not just the hair, even their features...you sure there's not any Caucasian in there?!" Dina responded "Not that we know of!" but I think she meant to say 'Not that Joe knows of!!' Better watch that dirty girl Dina, Joe. I'm just sayin'.

Mama Still Thinks She's Hilarious

So Joe went back to New Jersey for his 15 year reunions at Princeton. He took Lando, while Dina, Wyatt, and I kicked it back home. I guess they had a terrific time (I mean, wouldn't you? Joe dropped off Lando with the g'parents and then partied like he was an undergrad, except this time with a little more weight around the belly). Anyway, Joe brought back a slew of gifts, mostly for the kids, and mostly in the colors orange and black. But he also brought back this necklace that was intended for Dina. But Dina thinks she's funny, so guess who has a new collar?

Loves of our Life

Dina (to Wyatt): "You know what I like? You!"

Wyatt (to Dina): "You know what I like? Ice cream!"

Gotta love the honesty of a 3 year old.

Elite Hunter

This is one of those times where I really do think I am just the coolest f'en dog in the entire world. Those stinking geese didn't have a chance. Look closely for me here, might be hard to see me since I'm fast as lightening...Stupid geese.

Luxury Living

You need to know that it's not easy being me. It's quite busy, waking up, eating, pooping, going out for a walk, coming back, eating, napping, then avoiding the boys for the next several hours until it's time for them to go to bed. That's why it's hard to blog and why I've been so absent of late. So you know, you can understand that every once in awhile, a dog needs a break.

Which is where the Ritz Carlton at Half Moon Bay comes in...We stayed there a bit ago for Dina's friend Mina's wedding. I've always liked Mina, because she's a good baker and has a deep propensity towards favoring dogs over humans. In fact, one of the reasons she picked the Ritz Carlton was because it's dog-friendly. Her two pugs even walked down the aisle. For me, though, it meant a nice relaxing weekend away at a luxury hotel. Good life, eh?I played on the beach (I look svelte, don't I?)

We revisited the bench where Joe proposed to Dina, who said "If I knew then what I know now, Joe..." (you can fill in that blank).

And just to prove how welcome I was, here's the wedding cake topper. I love people who have sick obsessions with their dogs. They make my tail wag.

Again.

The bitch is pregnant. Again. And when I say bitch, I'm not referring to me, a female dog. Dina.

HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO ME?

In Memoriam...

In honor of one of Dina's favorite authors, I'm making like JD Salinger and taking a real-world break. With any luck, I'll return with the wit of one of Dina's other favorite authors, David Sedaris...but hopefully, without the need to rock or lick doorknobs.

Mad Update

Lots of sh*t's been happening since I last laid my paws on the keyboard and I can only attribute my lengthy silence as, well...laziness. I'm better for admitting it (i.e., so you should, too!). But I digress (and offend)...lots of goings on going on:

Wyatt started preschool and is running for LMOC (as opposed to BMOC) this year (it should be a shoo-in, since he's the tiniest boy there).

Wyatt also managed to turn 3, and not unlike when he was 2, he stills loves those monkeys!

Not to be one-upped by a kid not yet 3 feet tall, Dina's Mom turned 75 and we did the requisite 5 celebrations over a period of 2 months for her.

I met my new cousin, Mojo, who is a total pretty boy. But don't let that furry exterior fool you, he plays dirty. Luckily, I wrote the book on playing dirty. And I'm in at least 1 weight class above him.

In the spirit of Obama, Wyatt and I decided to work out our differences and can stand each other's presence now. Ok, that's harsh. We will allow each other to touch the other person's body without any biting (by Wyatt) or growling (again, by Wyatt).

We started prepping for Halloween and Dina foolishly purchased the Costco bags of candy too early. Now, there are no Twizzlers and there are no Twix bars, and there's really only one person to blame (don't let Dina tell you it's Wyatt, because it's not.).

Did a little early Halloween celebration: Here's Joe as Diego, Wyatt as a zebra, and Landon as a monkey. Dina, not pictured, dressed up as a Zookeeper, which I thought was fairly clever.

Landon is still getting into everything. Joe calls him annoying, but Dina calls him "spicy." I guess we can all assume who Lando takes after!

And then Dina started a new small business, making cookies. The funny part is that Dina started doing it because she wanted to learn something new, create something of her own, yadda yadda...Well, after the 1000 cookies she baked in the last month, Dina's now looking to return to her former career as an attorney. NOT!

And perhaps the MOST IMPORTANT UPDATE OF ALL (and yes, I used all CAPS and I know that means I'm yelling, because I actually am yelling this): I LOST 8 POUNDS. You heard it right people. More than a 1/3 of my body weight, Lindsay Lohan can suck it. I am THE canine!!! Look at how cute I am.

Aloha Means Hello & Goodbye

They left me, but they came back. Here's what they were doing:

Lando, riding the waves at Kailua Beach. Sans water, that is.

Their adopted Hawaii pet, Nainoa, who luckily, stayed in Hawaii.

I was a little bit pissed about not going to Hawaii with them, but then Dina had a long talk with me about being in cargo for a 5 hour flight and then quarantined for another 24 hours upon arrival. I wasn't so pissed after our talk. Besides, I don't like mac salad anyway -- the mayo makes it too slippery for me to eat.

Life Isn't Fair...Even for Dogs

I lost one of my best friends recently. I will miss Kona very much. She always made me feel like a puppy.

Staycation

Lots of people know that in these difficult times, an extravagent vacation is a little, well, gauche. Evidently, Joe and Dina (and their biological offspring) don't know that, as they embarked on a vacay to Hawaii to celebrate my PoPo's (i.e., Grandma, maternal side) 75th birthday. Sadly, while I was invited, I couldn't come (5 hours in cargo, then 24 hours quarantined didn't sound like a fun time to any of us). So we (I say "we" facetiously) decided that I would have a staycation.

But you know, it ain't so bad. I get to visit my old buddy Sophie, enjoy her expansive lush backyard, and lick my pal Steve's face. Yes, indeedy, these staycations aren't bad at all...as long as what happens in San Mateo, stays in San Mateo!

All Hail the Chief!

In our family, we know who's boss. It's certainly not Joe. It's not even Dina. And although I like to think it's me, it's not me, either. Instead, it's another pint-sized figure.

Running to go see the boss.

Ahh...and there he is.

(Can you tell the Joe has been grooming the boys?)