Shower Dina with Love

So the baby (whom we have named the Little Emperor, but we call him by his hip hop name, Lil' E) is coming soon. Very soon. So soon that I think his head is still pushing towards the exit door, which is why Dina is still on bedrest. And so it's supposedly a cause for celebration (not Lil' E's anxious run towards the exit door, but just the imminent arrival of his majesty). Happy new baby, woohoo, and all that jazz.

So Dina's girlfriends threw a shower. Dina, of course, is still on bedrest, so she laid on a chaise lounge like an empress (which sounds about right) and I had to wonder why they didn't hire a cabana boy (or Joe) to fan her and feed her grapes during the party. Dina was pretty excited to see her friends, who told her what it is like to walk around outdoors, breathe fresh air, and you know, generally how it feels not to be a prisoner in your own home kind of thing. She managed to get off her fat ass, though, for a couple of pictures.And I got pretty excited because they all made me t-shirts...
But then I looked at the t-shirts and they were kind of funky. They all had snaps on the butt, and don't they know I need my houha free so I can pee? No one likes to pee in their pants...unless their hopelessly drunk and passed out on some random couch...but generally speaking, no one likes to pee in their pants.

I'm ONE!!!

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear meeee, happy birthday to me. Here's how I celebrated:Dina spent one of her 30 minute 'sitting up' reprieves from bedrest so that she could force me to take a picture when, really, all I wanted was my birthday biscuits.
I'm not sure what smelled stronger. This peanut butter cookie or Joe's finger...

WANTED: Alternative Entertainment From Me

I can't handle the pressure. I'm with Dina all day now that she's on bedrest. There's no reprieve. It's too much. There's only so much singing, barking, and interpretive dancing a dog can do (and really, I'm not that good at singing). I've got to find other things to entertain her, less she start using that masking tape lint-roller on me every hour, as opposed to every day...

I've already started to bring in the troops, but this little one couldn't handle the pressure.So please! Visit, call, write. Teach her how to knit, needlepoint, crochet! Or for you doctors out there, if there's a drug that will help pass the time a little more quickly (for her or me), then by all means! - it's your duty to help (and prescribe)! I don't really care what you guys do, just save me!!!

Woe is Me!!!

Dude. I knew this baby was going to screw me. Somehow, I just knew it. But I thought it would happen after he was born, not 2 months before!!! But he wants out and apparently he wants out now! He's got his big ol' head angling to get out, and he doesn't give a hoot that it's too early. So he's ruined my life in the meantime by putting Dina on bedrest.

The doctor says Dina needs to keep the bun in the oven and to make sure that he does, she's on bedrest and not allowed to do anything. That means, folks, that she's not allowed to walk me, play tug-of-war with me, take me to Crissy Field, bathe me, pick me up and carry me, nada, nothing, zilch!

But what do you do when you can't beat them? You join them.

So it's official. I'm on bedrest, too. Oh, I'm sorry, you want me to fetch that? No can do. Oh, did you want me to bark at strangers? Sorry, that's a little strenuous. Pee on the pad or outside? Wow, sorry, not really allowed to move around too much here.

Just going to lay here, because as we all know (but won't say aloud), I'm the real victim here.

Happy Anniversary!

Today is Joe and Dina's 2nd anniversary. Wow, already 2 years, some might say. Or wow, only 2 years?? Feels like it's been a lot longer (others, who shall remain nameless, say). In any event, it's a banner event, I suppose. The last anniversary before the last shreds of freedom are finally extinguished (and no, that's not my fault. I'm a dog. You can leave me at home alone for a few hours, and it wouldn't be considered child abandonment or endangerment. I'm not saying it's fair to us dogs, but it is what it is). Yup, the baby is only a few months away. Dina is in her third trimester and now has a pair of drawstring pants that no longer need to be 'drawn.' Joe and Dina have already started to neglect each other (as solid preparation for the baby) by not bothering to get anniversary presents (it's "cotton" this year anyway, what are they supposed to do? Get each other underwear? And if Joe is buying Dina cotton underwear, then folks, we have an evey bigger problem). Instead, they are going out to dinner with each other to Fleur de Lys, which I'm sure will be very enjoyable to Dina (who is not allowed to eat soft cheeses, foie gras, anything raw, or drink any exorbitant amount of wine) and Joe (who doesn't really care for fancy restaurants, as a five dollar burrito would suffice as well). But the occasion has to be marked somehow, I suppose, and they certainly can't do it by ordering a pizza from Giorgio's and calling it a night. And what they hey, leave me home alone for another few hours -- what trauma could that possible cause?!

So anyway, a quick shout out to my folks. Happy anniversary! You only have about 50 more years to spend with each other! Good luck with that!