Mad Update

Lots of sh*t's been happening since I last laid my paws on the keyboard and I can only attribute my lengthy silence as, well...laziness. I'm better for admitting it (i.e., so you should, too!). But I digress (and offend)...lots of goings on going on:

Wyatt started preschool and is running for LMOC (as opposed to BMOC) this year (it should be a shoo-in, since he's the tiniest boy there).

Wyatt also managed to turn 3, and not unlike when he was 2, he stills loves those monkeys!

Not to be one-upped by a kid not yet 3 feet tall, Dina's Mom turned 75 and we did the requisite 5 celebrations over a period of 2 months for her.

I met my new cousin, Mojo, who is a total pretty boy. But don't let that furry exterior fool you, he plays dirty. Luckily, I wrote the book on playing dirty. And I'm in at least 1 weight class above him.

In the spirit of Obama, Wyatt and I decided to work out our differences and can stand each other's presence now. Ok, that's harsh. We will allow each other to touch the other person's body without any biting (by Wyatt) or growling (again, by Wyatt).

We started prepping for Halloween and Dina foolishly purchased the Costco bags of candy too early. Now, there are no Twizzlers and there are no Twix bars, and there's really only one person to blame (don't let Dina tell you it's Wyatt, because it's not.).

Did a little early Halloween celebration: Here's Joe as Diego, Wyatt as a zebra, and Landon as a monkey. Dina, not pictured, dressed up as a Zookeeper, which I thought was fairly clever.

Landon is still getting into everything. Joe calls him annoying, but Dina calls him "spicy." I guess we can all assume who Lando takes after!

And then Dina started a new small business, making cookies. The funny part is that Dina started doing it because she wanted to learn something new, create something of her own, yadda yadda...Well, after the 1000 cookies she baked in the last month, Dina's now looking to return to her former career as an attorney. NOT!

And perhaps the MOST IMPORTANT UPDATE OF ALL (and yes, I used all CAPS and I know that means I'm yelling, because I actually am yelling this): I LOST 8 POUNDS. You heard it right people. More than a 1/3 of my body weight, Lindsay Lohan can suck it. I am THE canine!!! Look at how cute I am.

Aloha Means Hello & Goodbye

They left me, but they came back. Here's what they were doing:

Lando, riding the waves at Kailua Beach. Sans water, that is.

Their adopted Hawaii pet, Nainoa, who luckily, stayed in Hawaii.

I was a little bit pissed about not going to Hawaii with them, but then Dina had a long talk with me about being in cargo for a 5 hour flight and then quarantined for another 24 hours upon arrival. I wasn't so pissed after our talk. Besides, I don't like mac salad anyway -- the mayo makes it too slippery for me to eat.

Life Isn't Fair...Even for Dogs

I lost one of my best friends recently. I will miss Kona very much. She always made me feel like a puppy.

Staycation

Lots of people know that in these difficult times, an extravagent vacation is a little, well, gauche. Evidently, Joe and Dina (and their biological offspring) don't know that, as they embarked on a vacay to Hawaii to celebrate my PoPo's (i.e., Grandma, maternal side) 75th birthday. Sadly, while I was invited, I couldn't come (5 hours in cargo, then 24 hours quarantined didn't sound like a fun time to any of us). So we (I say "we" facetiously) decided that I would have a staycation.

But you know, it ain't so bad. I get to visit my old buddy Sophie, enjoy her expansive lush backyard, and lick my pal Steve's face. Yes, indeedy, these staycations aren't bad at all...as long as what happens in San Mateo, stays in San Mateo!

All Hail the Chief!

In our family, we know who's boss. It's certainly not Joe. It's not even Dina. And although I like to think it's me, it's not me, either. Instead, it's another pint-sized figure.

Running to go see the boss.

Ahh...and there he is.

(Can you tell the Joe has been grooming the boys?)

I Got Me Some Boyfriends

Totally embarrassed today. Upon coming back home with my dogwalker, he introduced Dina to all my boyfriends! Oscar, Charlie, and Bubba (a Terrier, Beagle, and Llaso Apso, respectively). I am SO utterly horrified. Dina actually pet each one of them and used that cutesy voice, calling out "Ticky, are these your boyfriends?!" So embarrassed. I'm going to put my head under a rock now.

Finally, a Luxury Hotel...For Me!!!

It's about time. I mean, I'm a pure-bred. Do they know what that means? That means only the finest for me. Well finally, Joe and Dina clued in and when we went to Carmel, we stayed at The Quail Lodge Resort and Golf Club.

Upon arrival, I was greeted in the lobby (yes, I was allowed in the lobby, barking and all) with my own personal note card from Max of Pet Relations to welcome me. In the room, I was greeted by a host of gifts, including complimentary bags for, you know, the stuff that comes out of my butt (hey, everyone poops...well, unless you're Wyatt and you don't poop because you don't want to go in the potty, but that's a whole other blog post, isn't it?). And there was more...

Here are the dog bowls they set up in the room for me, including the portable one in the middle so that I could be fed when we were out and about (because when I need to eat, I need to eat...no matter where I am!)
The gorgeous chocolate brown plush dog bed provided especially for me, along with a quail squeek toy (and yes, I've already ripped out it's face).
Of course, you know the only thing that slept on that bed was the quail, right?

And of course, gorgeous grounds where I could run around freely. Love it! 2 paws up!!!

I'm really very glad that Joe and Dina finally decided to treat me the way that I should be treated, with my pure lineage and all. I confess, I was starting to get a little worried that I 'adopted down' (you know, kind of the opposite of Dina, who married up. Haha! Gosh, I slay myself sometimes!!!).

Keep Your Friends Close...

Keep your Wyatt closer.

I'm as Cute as a Sea Otter!

We went to Carmel this past weekend for a little getaway. This isn't something we'd normally do, but my cousins Gillian and Jessica were getting out of sleepover camp in Carmel, so we thought we'd say hi, and take in the sights.

The best part? They brought ME!!! We stayed at a dog-friendly hotel (more about that later), so I could come and I actually got to participate in a weekend mini-vacay!!! Some pics from my weekend:

Dina actually playing with me, me, me!!!

Me, letting Wyatt know who's boss at Carmel beach.

And this is a sea otter housed at the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Where was I? Left in the room. I guess I can't win 'em all...

Sorry Dina, No Room for You!

Last night, Dina made the mistake of going to check her email after we all got in bed.

Notice how I gracefully arched my head back onto her pillow so as to leave her about a foot of space. Joe seemed to be ok with it, so I'm not sure why, when Dina returned, she said "You have got to be kidding me." You snooze, you lose, Dina. Or in this case, I snooze, you lose.

Potty Training Day 2 & 3 (aka, Happy 4th of July!)

While others were gallivanting around eating hot dogs and burgers from the barbie, strolling Fillmore street listening to the tunes of Jazzfest, or at the Fairgrounds feasting on funnel cake or a fried snicker, we were on total lockdown. Wyatt was undergoing potty training bootcamp.

And while others are busy uploading their gorgeous outdoorsy photos on Facebook, I thought I'd share something not so blase, not so run of the mill, something maybe a little...visceral.

Landon saying "I can learn to use this potty in a pinch!" (Ahem. Get it?)

Jubilant after hitting the nail 'in' the head. (I've got loads of potty puns. Huh! There's another one, 'loads'!)

Wyatt: "Why don't you just make me watch Steel Magnolias alternating with Beaches over and over again instead?! This is painful!"

And this, forgive my language, but you've got to f**king kidding me. He's locked and loaded, and I am not safe.

Potty Training Day 1

So there's this potty training method developed by Julie Fellom. The gist is that you lock yourself in the house for 3 days, strip the kid naked (except for a shirt), and first sign of trouble, whisk them away to the potty. The supposed benefit of this is that the kid generally gets the idea after only 3 days, but one of the obvious drawbacks is that you are on lockdown for those 3 days.

So what do you do? In this case, Dina bakes.

The bounty.

Lando enjoying a blueberry muffin.

Wyatt enjoying a chocolate chip cookie that he helped make.

Looks pretty happy for a kid that's getting potty-indoctrinated, huh?

By the end of these 3 days, Wyatt will hopefully be potty-learned, and everyone else hopefully won't be 5 pounds fatter (especially me, since that would be almost a sixth of my body weight -- and as we all know, it wasn't easy for me to get this slim!).

Stylin' Profilin'

Ya dig my new do?  It's my summer cut. 

Don't Call Child Services

Wyatt's new "big boy" bed.

Just kidding.  One day, Wyatt went down for a nap.  Or so we thought.  He must've climbed out and decided to get cozy in a smaller place.  He's destined to live in some cramped studio apartment in NYC (where they still allow dogs).

Kids Are Gross

This is why you never, ever share a drink with a kid.  

Never, ever, ever!!!

Even I don't backwash like this and I drink using my tongue!

They Make Have Looked Like Yucky...

But someone liked them!

Liked them enough to eat!  (Icing licked off first, of course)

Goodbye, little elephant.

Now if only that little kid dropped some of it on the floor for me!  Wassup wit dat?

The Coup!

The Little Emperor no more.  The younger, more wily, more sneaky, and clearly the more sinister of the To Brothers has captured the throne!  (And celebrated the victory with a grilled cheese sandi!)

Something Smells Good in the House

Dina has been baking.  Like a madwoman.  For those of you who don't know, she and a friend have started their own little business.  It's a cookie business!  So here's what she's been up to, and here's why I stay close to her feet at all times (just in case a lil' sumthin' sumthin' drops!). 

Butter monkey cookies for the biz.

End product and end reward.

Practice elephants.  Yes, they suck.  Like I said, they were practice for her.

And evidently, Dina's baking frenzy has rubbed off on someone:

When asked, Wyatt said "I'm making a cookie!"  And Lando grunted "And I'm gonna eat it!"

The Difference Between the Little Emperor and Second Son

Or really, in our house, the difference between The Little Emperor (Wyatt) and that other baby who's second in line (what's his name?  Oh right, Landon).  

Right now, Wyatt walks around like he knows he's the Little Emperor.  He throws his weight around (literally), often pushing me out of his way, and for that matter, pushing Landon out the of the way, too.  He's also the only one that talks, and is not afraid to say "No, Ticky" or scream "Mine" at Landon.  He is sure-footed, knowing that Dina and Joe will cater to most whims and that if he shoves Daddy, he'll get a Time Out warning, and if he shoves Mommy, he'll be locked in the closet for an hour.  No, no, I'm kidding!  Don't call Child Services.  Seriously...Joe never gives him Time Out warnings!

Do you see the glint?  More like a stink eye here.

But I think it's best if Wyatt starts to watch his back.  Although Landon is smaller and still fairly spazzy (those fine motor skills are hard to come by), it's just a matter of time.  Landon has a glint in his eye.  And I've seen that glint before...in Dina's eyes.  So I know it's not good.  In fact, it suggests that there will be a day of reckoning.  To boot, Landon is my buddy.  Landon doesn't pull my tail, push me around, or for that matter, pick my nose.  He hugs me and pets me, and when I lick his face, he erupts into laughter.  And let's face it people, although I'm a dog that supposed to love everyone...well, I just don't.  

So Landon, my pal, I say let's chat.  You, me, at the crib during naptime.  And to Wyatt, I say, watch your back or at the very least, you best start dropping more food on the ground.

Tell Me Why...

This animal gets to sleep in his own bed and go on family vacations, but I don't!

In Case You Wondered...

Yes, dogs can sleep in any position.

Happy Father's Day, Joe!

Ok, people, here's a photo taken to celebrate Fathers Day.

Notice someone missing?  WTF???

What You Looking at, Willis!

Back away from the dog, please.  Actually, no please.  Just back the f off.

French-Kissing

Me love you long time, Landon.

Ooh la la.

Wyatt's Destiny

When Wyatt was born, so many expectations were put upon the Little Emperor.  Even though no one says anything, you know and I know that there's at least one person in the family (and his father) that expects young Wyatt to go to some Ivy League school (named Princeton), make a vast fortune (in investment banking), and travel the world (to China).  At the same time, others (like his mother) want more simple things -- for Wyatt to be happy (he should be over 5'7"), healthy (never worry about his weight), and compassionate (in other words, a Democrat).  

But alas, I think some people forgot that Wyatt might forge his own destiny and simply do what he wants to do.  And what is that, you ask, folks?

Move over Ian Anderson!  Wyatt To is here!

Playing the rock flute!!!  (FYI, he's also quite good at the cow bell.)

Blogger Diarrhea

I've been noticeably (?) absent.  And so I'm just going to let it all spew forth in a single blog entry, in the event you don't hear from me as often as you like (daily, right?).  Things have been relatively static.

Christmas came and went and I was actually included...

In a variety of ways.

Do you see Wyatt's face, as if he's saying "What the f is that?!"

Wyatt is up to his same old tricks.

This is advanced placement nose-picking folks -- not for the amateurs!

Landon has decided that I'm his new best friend. .

You may touch me, but you may not eat me, kid.

And I am still starving.

Stop with the face, and just give me the treat in your hand.