I'm not a girl...Not yet a woman.

Sadly, most of you reading this probably know that the title to this post is a little shout-out to Britney, as this was one of her big hits that helped lead her to Crossroads acting fame. Or perhaps that was too long ago, and now all you can remember is that Britney got a bit chunky, is awfully-looking like white trash, and is a former pop star that can't manage to put on shoes before she hits the public restroom at gas stations. Never mind the fact that she married what is indisputably white trash (rap career or no rap career), K-Fed, who strangely enough hails from nearby Sacto, yet not strangely enough, fathered a couple kids out of wedlock.

In any event, enough about them, more about me. The reason I titled this blog "I'm not a girl...Not yet a woman" is because, WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH, I've been spayed! I don't understand. Joe and Dina pretend like they love me, like they treasure me, like I'm the only thing that matters in this world. And then what they do? They have me drugged so someone can rip my uterus out. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! Feel sorry for me. Feel very very sorry for me.

Here are the before and after photos.

Before:

After (can't you just see the pain on my face, never mind the pain in my houha!):


I don't think I'm exaggerating my pain. I didn't go willingly. For crying out loud, I had to be drugged the entire time (I wish I still was - how 'come there's no doggie prescription for Vicadin?). The word on the street is that this is a good thing. I know, I know. I don't need those dude dogs sniffing at me anyway (don't they know that NO means NO??!!). But my trust in Joe and Dina is seriously altered and it's going to take a little more than peanut butter and pupperoni to gain it back (more like peanut butter, pupperoni, and bits of apples! I know, I'm an expensive date!).

In defense of my whining, I'd just like to ask Joe and Dina each a question. Exactly how would they feel if they had their private parts removed (permanently, my friends! There's no velcro reattachment going on here!!!). In any event, I feel lost. I'm not longer a girl, yet I'm surely not yet (or likely ever will be now) a woman. And shoot, the least they could have done was a little lipo on my ass if they were going to put me under...or maybe I'm just really really furry on my backend. Yeah...that's the ticket.