Phil, the Man Pillow

I have a new nemesis. His name is Phil. He's a man pillow. Most pregnant women know Phil. In fact, most pregnant women have been intimate with Phil. They snuggle up next to him for most of their pregnancy, ignoring the advances of their husbands or the overtures of their favorite puppy. Phil basically gets some every night.

Oh wait, you don't know who or what Phil is? Well, Phil is a body pillow that pregnant women are supposed to sleep with in order to support their body while they are laying on their sides. Oh wait, maybe you don't know that after the fourth month, most doctors recommend that pregnant women sleep on their sides, preferably their left side. Something about compressing a major vein or circulation or whatever. Gimme a break, I'm just a dog not a doctor (and not even a pregnant dog at that, thank you again Dina & Joe).

I hate Phil. And I'll tell you why. He takes too much room on my bed. It's like there are 4 of us now: me, Phil, Dina & Joe. Pretty soon, Joe is going to sleep on the floor (where the dog bed is). I'm really quite angry that Dina brought Phil into the bed, and even more angry at Joe for letting Phil stay. Um, hello? Who's the man of the house? So I've been sort of passive agressive about the situation. I'm showing my displeasure by sleeping perpendicular. Sort of like this (you can see Phil behind me):That's right. Everyone sleeps parallel: Joe, Dina & Phil. But not me. I cross their bodies, like a little 't.' Because if I'm going to be uncomfortable in my bed, then EVERYONE is going to be uncomfortable.