Everyday is a holiday

Wyatt came to the conclusion that there is a holiday every month.  I think this is a combo of his eagerness to learn the calendar and Dina's psychopath need to decorate, bake, and celebrate every and any occasion.  Chinese New Year came a little early this year, and that threw February off a bit.  With nearly 2 weeks (read: sarcasm) until Valentine's Day, Joe threw in this little celebrated day:  Groundhog's Day.  

When introduced to Wyatt, and thrown Dina's way, she pondered "How the hell do you celebrate Groundhog's Day?!"  Ignore the innocent face of Joe, because he was clearly an accomplice as he printed out pictures of groundhogs for the kids to color, and then plastered them to the sliding glass door as 'decoration.'

This, not being sufficient for Dina (or her anal-ness) led to a scouring of the internet for ideas and finally ended up with this:  Groundhog Day cupcakes. 

 

Good lord, she's ill.  (And Joe is clearly due for an immunization shot himself).

How to celebrate a milestone

Dina turned 40 earlier this month, and she celebrated in grand style.  She spent the day with the kids at the Apple store.  No, I'm serious.

She also managed to finagle the kids for a bday picture and was kind enough to include me!

She went to a rip-rocking lunch at Benihana!!!  She was particularly pleased when they busted out the tambourine at the end and sang Happy Birthday to her.  Thrilled.

She forced Joe to buy her a cake from SusieCakes (you'll recall last year's debacle where she walked into SusieCakes to buy herself a birthday cake, saw a cute decorated Hello Kitty cake, purchased her cake, and when Joe got home, saw that he brought her the cute decorated Hello Kitty cake that she had seen in the SusieCake's window display).

Do you seem my little face there on the bottom right, saying "Get me up!!!"

And then she went home for naptime to ready herself for a 9pm reservation (which I'm sure she'll blog at The Dish & The Dirt).  But suffice it to say that when she woke up the next morning, she still had a full face of make up on and Joe whined about a hangover the rest of the day.

Well anyway, Happy Birthday Dina, from one bitch to another!!!

Thought for the Day: Who's Jo?

What's up with people thinking that Joe's name is spelled "Jo"?  I mean, I know his name rhymes and all, but his name is Joseph To.  Do you usually shorten Joseph to "Jo"?  Just because your last name rhymes means that your first name should be spelled like its mirror image?  The weird thing is that even though Joe will respond to, say an email, and sign off as "Joe," people refuse to acknowledge that and continue to email him as "Jo."  And it's not just strangers.  Relatives too -- people who have known him all his life and are blood-related, for crying out loud.

Does this look like a "Jo" to you?

Wyatt's crushing hard.

Wyatt's got a crush. Her name is Penelope. She is the cutest little hapa girl you've ever seen. The problem is, everyone else thinks she's cute, too. It's been going on for over 2 years now (they started preschool together when they were 3) and he's already been tightening up his game.

Some things overheard...

Penelope: "Wyatt, can you help me with this?"

Wyatt: "First you have to answer a question. Who's your best friend?"

Penelope: "Um....Jai???"

Wyatt: "Ehhhh!!" (mimicking sound of a buzzer) "Wrong answer! Try again!"

Penelope: "Uhhh...you?"
Wyatt: "Right answer!"

Getting the all-important confirmation...

Wyatt: "Are you my girlfriend Penelope?"

Penelope: "Sure, I can be your girlfriend."

Wyatt:  "Well, you know that if you're my girlfriend, you're going to have to marry me."

And finally, putting the nail on that coffin...

Wyatt:  "Penelope, I love you because you're so pretty...and cute...When I look at you, my eyes turn to hearts." (Yes, he's for real!)

We're all a little scared about how this is going to turn out.  But we're also impressed.  Very impressed.

He looks so innocent. But he's got the moves of a well-trained 26 year old.

A Mutt is a Mutt

Hybrid dogs. Fancy name for mutt. Don't get me wrong, I like mutts. They're smart, amiable, and usually don't hump me. But hybrid dogs. And worse, hybrid dogs that involve the Beagle. As if they could mess with perfection.

So that is where I draw the line.  So puggle, I don't give a fuggle about you.

Purebred bitch.  With a dash of Snoopy.

You can read about this nonsense here.

Don't get the bitch mad.

So Dina's on a rampage. And luckily, Joe is not the victim, like usual. She bought something on Etsy. Something she never received. And something she never got a refund for.

She is maniacal now. Let's see, she's sent repeated emails to the seller, filed a complaint with Etsy, located the seller's personal address and phone number, located the seller's retail shop and phone, filed a consumer protection complaint with the County of the seller's hometown, filed a consumer protection complaint with the County of the shop, contacted PayPal, filed a claim with her financial institutions, is readying a small claims Complaint, and is even thinking of filing a diversity action in federal court just to fuck the seller.

I tell you, don't get that bitch mad. She'll cut your nuts off.

Look, here she is with the Jelly Bean man. Just before she stabbed him in the heart and ate him.

What, suddenly we're Chinese???

Ok, I'm not sure how it happened, but we suddenly became Chinese.  Maybe for Joe, who is really the first generation born here, he's always been Chinese.  Although his Mexican-Cambodian-Filipino-Laotion exterior suggests otherwise.  But I know for Dina, she's about as Chinese as fortune cookies.  

But suddenly, come Chinese New Year, we all got Chinese up in here.  I did a little intel, and this is how it went down.  

Wyatt goes to a Mandarin immersion school now, where he is taught 50% in English, 50% in Mandarin.  Chinese culture is part of the curriculum and so of course, he learned about Chinese New Year.  He comes running home, and asks Dina, "What are we doing to celebrate Chinese New Year?!!!"  Like any good parent does, Dina deferred to Joe and said "Let's wait until your Dad gets home to decide."  In the meantime, she Wikipedia'd "Chinese New Year."  Pulling her bullet points from that, she covered the basics.

They cleaned the house (well, not really.  Dina had the kids sweep the floor.  She might have used the dustbuster.  But Hilda and her daughter, our lovely housecleaners, were charged with the actual tasks of cleaning).  

They made dumplings.  This was surprising.  Dina actually knew how to make dumplings.  But she kind of cheated because she made wontons, instead of steaming actual dumplings (which would have required her to buy steam baskets).

She bought some mandarins with the leaves on, found some Angry Bird red envelopes (oh! the commercialization of Chinese New Year!!!), and even went to the bank to get crisp one dollar bills.  Oh, in case you're wondering about the cows, that's Brownie and Spot and they were visiting for the weekend from Landon's preschool.

They went to dim sum with a bunch of friends.  Of course, Wyatt later told Joe that it was the "worst day of his life," but the dim sum was pretty good.  Don't you love 5 year olds?

 They made cookies.  Oh wait, this has nothing to do with Chinese New Year.

They ate long life noodles.  Doesn't Landon look cute here?  You'd never know what a terror he is from this photo.

 And fresh fish, too.

 Everybody wore good luck red.

Well, whatever we are, Happy New Year, Gung Hay Fat Choy, Xin Nian Kaui Le and yadda yadda yadda.  Now, where's my red envelope, people???

Another year, another post.

It's been another year, which means that it's time to post again, right? I'm 6 now, and settling well into middle age, including the continual battle with the bulge. I remember a time when all those fine male dogs sniffing my ass were so intriguing. Now, all I want to do is steal their treats. And then sleep.

All is well in the To household. The boys are growing up so fast (only in age, not in stature, as they remain Lilipution-sized). Wyatt is 5, Landon is nearly 4, and Crosby-bear is bringing up the rear at 18 months. They are cute. But like I always say. God made them that way so that Dina wouldn't kill them.
Hope all is well with you and yours. Looking forward to posting again in 2012.

Funny

Why Wyatt is awesome. Read here (at the bottom).

Wyatt, grooving at Off the Grid. He gets down gangsta style, for real.

Who's Cuter?

Me...
versus The C-Bear.On second thought, maybe you shouldn't answer that.

The Gross Kid

Remember when you were in school and there was always that gross kid. He had food in his teeth all the time. He'd go at his nose like he was trying to excavate for diamonds. His shirts always had chocolate streaks on it. And for some reason, he'd always call the teacher "Mom" on accident.

Well, turns out, that we have a gross kid. I guess the odds were that we'd have one, given that Joe and Dina only produce boys. But still, it's not fun when you realize that you really do, in fact, have one in the family.

Case in point:

Here's a picture of Wyatt, pointing at something near his bed. What the heck is that thing???

Let's get a close up. Oh wait a minute now...is that what I think it is??? Oh, no! It is, it is!!!

It's a booger!! A really big one! What, why, how, when, you ask?! Well, let's ask our main suspect.

I like how he left it near Wyatt's bed. Classic.

Circumstantial evidence, he retorts. But you'll notice his unwillingness to be captured on camera with the evidence.

City Dog, Snow Dog...Just Dog

Turns out you can take the city dog out of the city and well, she adapts (and yes, I did just talk about myself in the third person). Last week, we were on Spring Break and the whole family (including me, that's obvious, right?) packed the minivan and hauled our butts up to Tahoe. There was torrential downpour the previous week in San Francisco, which meant good snow in Tahoe. Check this out, no joke -- that's a lot of snow behind me, huh?

Dina and Joe thought that I'd get freaked out by the snow. After all, this was my first time in it. But turns out, I really am adaptable. There's a reason why beagles are still around and dinosaurs aren't. It's called "going with the flow, Darwinian style." Here's an action shot of me, although I'm so darn quick, I'm surprised they caught me on camera.

When we got to the house, there was so much snow that Joe had to go New Jersey on us, i.e., shovel 5 feet of snow so we could make it up the walkway and into the house. Joe hasn't shoveled snow like that since high school in Jersey, and his bitching and moaning about his right shoulder the rest of the week proved it.

Not surprisingly, the boys were adaptable, too. Wyatt did ski school for 3 days, working on his pizza (he's got french fries down cold, but that's not really a good thing when you don't have pizza down).

Landon made like he was a native. Imagine this picture in 18 years, except trade the chocolate milk for a big fat beer. Dina's worried and hopes that it really will be 18 years...

Crosby, well, the poor C-bear didn't really make it out that much. But he was still happy. As always. Perpetually happy, the poor sonofabitch.

Dina and Joe? Joe made it one day for an afternoon of slushy skiing. Dina stayed home with Landon and C-bear while they napped, and to her dismay, cleaned up an inordinate amount of poop, including mine (turns out that while playing in the snow is fun, crapping in the snow is not).

Taking the shuttle home after a rough day skiing and tubing. What a life.

Lando is 3!

Sure, he still craps in his pants. But we call Landon a big boy anyway. He certainly has the attitude of a three (times 10) year old. Although he's easily mistaken for an 18 month old, due to his small stature, he is all attitude and feistiness.

He likes to occasionally throw things at me, grab my tail, and lick me (yes, he licks me, isn't that ironic). He also has the mouth of an old sailor, except he says words with more syllables. Oh, and he's totally into dinosaurs.

Ergo, this cake:

Which Landon thoroughly enjoyed:

Wyatt also enjoyed it, just a lil' bit.

And, of course, the family photo. I can't help but notice that someone is missing. And to that, I say "I hate you all."

Bedtime Schmedtime

We have a problem. It's called Wyatt and Landon at bedtime. Apparently, they think that bedtime can occur outside the bed. Uh, FYI boys, it's called "bed"time for a reason. Sigh, it's like I'm reasoning with toddlers or something.

Many a nights, I'm walking up the stairs, only to find this:

Do you see me there on the bottom right? What you can't see is the disgust on my face.

When will these kids learn?

Frankly, I'm sick of having to tiptoe around their heads. If they don't get with the program soon, I'm going to stampede them.

Hello to 2011!

It's hard to believe, but I'm still part of the family photos

It's a new year and one of my resolutions is to write again. As you can see, I'm shitty about keeping to my resolutions. But I do want to try to be better and if I still have friends out there (both of the barking and non-barking varieties), then I will get off my furry butt and keep telling you my 'tails.'

The quick update for me? I am still a svelte 24 pounds. I think most of my loyal readers know that weight has been a struggle for me, but I'm doing it. On dry kibble, but I'm doing it. Dina often remarks how incredible she finds it that I lost 10 pounds (like a third of my body weight, really) and yet she can't (and folks, believe me, that ain't a third of her body weight!). But she forgets, I'm awesome. AWESOME.

The boys are, well, boys. Wyatt is 4 1/2 now, Landon is almost 3, and Crosby is 7 months. They are aging me faster than Joan Rivers face is falling apart. At this point, we tolerate each other. I don't know if I love them, and I don't know if they love me. You know, your normal relationship.

F'n geeks, I'm telling you. Wyatt almost peed in his pants when he found out about the IPad 2 yesterday.

I have to run off now, my awesome dogwalker Metrotails awaits. I do have one ask. If my peeps are still out there, can you drop me a comment, so that I know whether I should revisit this blog or just give my paws a rest? Woof woof for now!

Who's Your Daddy???

So Dina took the boys out for a treat to the local bakery the other day. After buying some cookies for them, she sat down in front of the bakery where one of the workers and another shopowner were taking a break. They also both happened to be Asian.

The day was warm, balmy, and sort of humid, and Dina mused out loud "This weather is weird!" The shopowner responded saying "It's like East Coast weather," which led to a short conversation about New Jersey, where the shopowner was born and raised (Summit) and where, of course, Dina said Joe was born and raised.

The shopowner then responded "So your husband is full Caucasian?" Puzzled, Dina said no, and then asked why the shopowner though that. "Well, your kids..." Dina, knowing Landon's hair is about 20 shades lighter than the average Asian mop of hair, said "Oh I know, his hair is so light." But the shopowner said "No! Both of them, not just the hair, even their features...you sure there's not any Caucasian in there?!" Dina responded "Not that we know of!" but I think she meant to say 'Not that Joe knows of!!' Better watch that dirty girl Dina, Joe. I'm just sayin'.

Mama Still Thinks She's Hilarious

So Joe went back to New Jersey for his 15 year reunions at Princeton. He took Lando, while Dina, Wyatt, and I kicked it back home. I guess they had a terrific time (I mean, wouldn't you? Joe dropped off Lando with the g'parents and then partied like he was an undergrad, except this time with a little more weight around the belly). Anyway, Joe brought back a slew of gifts, mostly for the kids, and mostly in the colors orange and black. But he also brought back this necklace that was intended for Dina. But Dina thinks she's funny, so guess who has a new collar?

Loves of our Life

Dina (to Wyatt): "You know what I like? You!"

Wyatt (to Dina): "You know what I like? Ice cream!"

Gotta love the honesty of a 3 year old.

Elite Hunter

This is one of those times where I really do think I am just the coolest f'en dog in the entire world. Those stinking geese didn't have a chance. Look closely for me here, might be hard to see me since I'm fast as lightening...Stupid geese.

Luxury Living

You need to know that it's not easy being me. It's quite busy, waking up, eating, pooping, going out for a walk, coming back, eating, napping, then avoiding the boys for the next several hours until it's time for them to go to bed. That's why it's hard to blog and why I've been so absent of late. So you know, you can understand that every once in awhile, a dog needs a break.

Which is where the Ritz Carlton at Half Moon Bay comes in...We stayed there a bit ago for Dina's friend Mina's wedding. I've always liked Mina, because she's a good baker and has a deep propensity towards favoring dogs over humans. In fact, one of the reasons she picked the Ritz Carlton was because it's dog-friendly. Her two pugs even walked down the aisle. For me, though, it meant a nice relaxing weekend away at a luxury hotel. Good life, eh?I played on the beach (I look svelte, don't I?)

We revisited the bench where Joe proposed to Dina, who said "If I knew then what I know now, Joe..." (you can fill in that blank).

And just to prove how welcome I was, here's the wedding cake topper. I love people who have sick obsessions with their dogs. They make my tail wag.