My New Man

Joe left me...for China. He's been gone for almost 2 weeks. And while I might have shed the tiniest doggy tear the first night, I got over it. That's right. First I was afraid, I was petrified. Kept thinking I could never live without Joe by my side. But I grew strong. And I learned how to get along.

What that means, really, is that I found a new man. My (sleepy) Uncle Davy. He walks me, lets me sleep with him, feeds me snausages, and picks up my poop. So ha! Joe, that's what I say to you. You stay there in Asia with Second Wife who makes you homemade pork dumplings that you never bring home for me (or First Wife, Dina). (But if you do stay over there, don't forget to send us our unemployment checks).

But Dina already told me that you're retuning soon. To which I say...So you're back, from outer space (well, really, China might as well be outer space to me). I should have changed that stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key. If I'd known for just one second you'd be back to bother me. (But since you're back, could you please walk me? I really got take a dump).