Guest Interview: Dina's thoughts on pet obsession

Dear Readers,

Today, we have a special feature. An interview with Dina, the Mommy portion of my owners. Dina hails from Los Angeles, where she once had a beagle for one day (you'll have to ask my Uncle Davy about that). She suppressed that loss for many years, and has finally returned triumphant, to beagle ownership. Here, I chat with Dina about what fuels her obsession with me.

TicTac To ("T3"): I'd like to welcome you, Dina, to my blog and thank you for taking some time to spend with me talking about pet obsession. I'd also like to thank you for putting peanut butter in my kong on a daily basis.

Dina: Well, thanks. It's good to be here.

T3: I'd like to hear a little bit about your thoughts of pet obsession. That is, when people get pets, why do suddenly normal people became absolutely infatuated with their pets?

Dina: Really it's about unconditional love, I think. Like when I get home, you're all about pet-wagging and face-licking. No matter what my mood is (or frankly, whatever your mood is), you're always happy to see me. Now let's compare that to me and Joe.

When I get home, after having sat in traffic for an hour and a half, I might be a tad bit angry. Usually I'm in a zen place about driving, but when it's raining, these ridiculous San Francisco drivers press on their brakes every two seconds on a clear road, thinking 'that is it! It's raining! We'll never make it home safely!' No, you putz, you won't make it home safely if your dumbass keeps braking every two seconds. So you know, a girl can get worked up.

When I get home, Joe can take one look at me and know whether I'm upset. Believe me, that was learned the hard way. But this is where Joe needs to make a critical decision.

'Do I ask how she's doing? Do I say nothing? Do I retreat to the bedroom to let her cool down? If I do any of the above, what will happen? Oh crap! Nothing I do will be right, she'll be pissed that I talked to her because she's mad, or she'll be pissed that I didn't talk to her because it was obvious that she was mad! Maybe if I just feed her something quickly, she'll be better...'

So you see, Joe has a real dilemma here. And because I occasionally am temperamental, I can't blame Joe for wondering what to do --

T3: Wow, you can be a real bitch.

Dina: No, actually, you're the bitch.

T3: Ah, right. Let's get back to it. Go on...

Dina: Ok, so as I was saying, Joe is forced in that Dina-dilemma (by the way, the right answer to what to do when I'm mad is to feed me immediately). But you, you don't have a dilemma. No matter what, you run up to me, you jump up and try to lick my face, all the while your tail is wagging. Now, how can I resist that?

T3: Yes, but does unconditional love really excuse you dressing me up in sweaters and as Superdog and then creating a blog for me?

Dina: I would say that I'm no more obsessed than other pet owners. I mean, I have a friend who, when she gets home from work, gives an offhand greeting to her kids, and then runs to her dog with a much more enthusiastic greeting. That's not that unusual. And as for dressing you in sweaters, first of all, you're the one that doesn't like to go out when it's cold and raining. We figured a sweater might help you get over that because I can tell you right now, girlfriend, you ain't pooping in the house anymore. As for the blog, there really isn't any excuse. But c'mon, I'm certainly amused by it. Aren't you?

T3: Riiiigggghhht, sure I am. I mean, I guess if I can poop and pee in public, what's the harm in airing my dirty business on a blog. Well, that's all the time we have for today. Thanks again for stopping to chat, and I'll look forward to future guest interviews and posts with you.

Dina: Thanks, now c'mere and lick my face.

Editor's Note: I was not exactly sincere when I said that I was amused by this blog. But you must understand, Dina holds the answers to all my peanut butter dreams. I might be selling myself for a little peanut butter, but it's not just that. Joe lets me sleep in the bed. If I get Dina mad, it's a done deal. Doggie bed city.